An End to the Debate Over Submission

i’ve been thinking a lot about labels lately.  Actually, what i’ve been thinking about are the heated discussions that can erupt around them and how sad that can make me.

i like a healthy, thought-provoking debate.  Thinking is a good thing :)  What i don’t like –what makes me sad– is when a debate devolves into a binary battle where “winning” by being “right” seems to be the objective and only acceptable outcome.  There’s a word for that.  It’s called an argument.

Arguments are rarely productive and often include things like finger pointing, blame, marginalizing, name calling and other various and sundry forms of ugliness.

lion-and-lambIt makes me sad to see this sort  of thing in the world in general but it makes me feel even worse to watch it happen within the subculture of this lifestyle.  Why?

If we can’t have compassion and acceptance for each other and our diversity within this community, how can we ever hope to receive it from those on the outside?

Unfortunately, there are countless topics around which this happens.  The one that i find particularly distressing centers around submission/slavery.

The Right Way

To my mind there is only one right way to submit, define submission, be a slave or define slavery.  That is the way that feels right and fits for you!  If there are any rules about how to do any of this, they are the ones that you and your partner(s), owner, dominant or Master etc, decide upon and agree to. 

The Right Way for me

i identify as a slave.  i’m quite sure that how that works for me is not the same way it works for everyone who identifies as such.   i’ve come to realize that being owned or unowned has no bearing on my identity as a slave.  It is my nature.  It is how i operate within my skin and in the world.  It always has been, i just didn’t always know it.  Becoming aware of and embracing this truth set my spirit free!

As an owned slave, i am also submissive; as a verb and an adjective, not a noun.

A verb is an action word and through my actions i am submissive to Master.  i am intentionally respectful and acquiescent and delight in serving him and seeing him pleased.  i have chosen to willingly obey his wishes… all his wishes.  Though i do not obey anyone else (unless it is Master’s wish that i do), i will sometimes offer respectful service to others as an aspect of my submissiveness.  However, that is rare and an indication of the degree of respect and admiration i have for the individual.

As an adjective, submissive is one of the words that describes me… just like mother, daughter, bisexual, entrepreneur, property and pet do.  It is not a personality trait of mine; i am not meek by nature.  i am pretty much the opposite of meek, and yet, i am submissive.  One can certainly be meek and be submissive but it’s definitely not a requirement.

No one has to agree with my views to make them valid and i don’t have to convince anyone else to accept my opinions about submission (or anything else, for that matter) to make them valid.  They are valid simply because they are mine… and the same is true for you and your beliefs.

With or without validation from others, what works is perfect for as long as it works.  And when it doesn’t work anymore, it’s ok to amend things.

The Hidden Gifts of Opposing Opinions

Differing opinions are a gift, really.  They offer the opportunity to expand your reality or bring it into sharper focus.

i believe that the need to defend a position or try to convince others to agree with it stems from the uncertainty that the defender has about the belief to begin with.  When you believe what you profess — i mean really believe it and own it with every fiber of your being–  you’ll never find yourself in an argument over it.

i’m not naive enough to think this little post will actually put an end to the debate over submission.  If it works to cause at least one person to pause at the brink of flaring up over a differing opinion and look for the gem that might be hidden in it, then i’ll be happy… especially if that person is me :)