i read this article today, about things s-types need to know. It’s written by a very well known and well respected slave, Hisnamaste, whom i have had the pleasure of hearing speak. Master and i attended a presentation that she and her Master, Master Obsidian, gave at Floating World in 2010. It was an excellent presentation on protocol and rituals.
It is a good article with useful information. Information i agree with. In fact, there isn’t anything in it that i disagree with and yet i found it unsettling in a way.
Why? Because while i believe that everything she wrote is valid and true, she addressed the topic from a very intellectual and common-sense perspective. There’s nothing wrong with intellect and common sense. i’m actually a big fan of both.
The challenge for me is not about what is in the article; it is about what is not.
What her article doesn’t address is the wildcard of powerful emotions that accompany newly discovered submissive desires, and the havoc they can wreak; causing otherwise capable and competent s-types to wonder if they haven’t lost their minds in the process of trying to meet their submissive needs.
Submissive feelings are powerful. And when they are young, they can be Godzilla-like; stomping all over intellect and common sense. If it sounds like i speak with the voice of experience, there’s good reason!
i’m a bright girl. i’ve got a decent IQ. i’ve owned and operated several successful businesses and raised 2 well-adjusted kids (one with Asperger’s and all the special challenges that accompany that) and i did it as a single mom.
i only mention that stuff because it takes a certain degree of intellectual capability and common sense to accomplish those kind of things. And yet, when my submissive nature was unearthed there were times when i didn’t recognize myself in my own behaviors.
On more than one occasion i found myself shaking my head, wondering what had gotten into me. More than once, i found myself making choices and decisions that completely defied my “normal” sensibilities. There were times when one set of words poured out of my mouth, while an opposing cautionary set raged in my head… and yet, i kept speaking! Afterward, i’d hate and berate myself and wonder, “What the bleep is wrong with me?!”
i don’t share this with a sense of pride. i share it out of sense of duty. i have encountered too many other “new” submissives who have shared similar stories of bewildered frustration, self-loathing and disgust at their own seeming loss of good judgement.
So, while i agree with everything Hisnamaste wrote, i also know that, unfortunately, it is mostly only useful in hindsight. i could have read a thousand essays like that (in fact, i actually did read hundreds that were similar) and none of them would have protected me from the storm of emotions that my newly discovered submissive feelings had unleashed on me.
Because that was the problem…. i was unleashed! i’ve come to realize, and accept, that i need to be leashed. i need to be tethered in order to be my best. i struggled with that for quite some time. It felt weak and it had become important for me to feel strong – it had become a necessity of survival.
my saving grace; my secret weapon of survival at the mercy of my own submissive yearnings was being taken under the wing of a mentor!
i still made some poor decisions under my mentor’s guidance… but far fewer. How did having a mentor help?
- i reached out to my mentor when i was struggling.
- my mentor made suggestions and i took them.
- my mentor gave me assignments and i did them.
And because of that, because i respectfully utilized my mentor, Godzilla mellowed into something more like the Geico gecko – cute and likable instead of unruly and destructive.
Because of my mentor, my intellect, common sense and submissive needs all got along again and i was able to trust my s-self again.