i didn’t march

i know lots of people who did, in lots of cities.

i used to be a marcher and am completely in favor of the right to march. i’m happy that people can and do exercise that right peacefully.

i’ve been curious about my lack of desire to participate in this historic event, particularly since there were many years in my life when i would have been among the first to jump in.

i’ve read a lot of things describing the event, from reports about the blissful power of unity it created to anger-fueled, judgement-laden — and in some cases — downright mean reactions.

And then it it hit me. i finally figured out why i’m no longer a marcher.  Anger.  i don’t like it — mine or anyone else’s, regardless of the reason for it. i know that not everyone who marches is angry. In fact, most people probably aren’t.  But i know me and i’ve learned that i need to guard my own energetic gates.  Some days, just scrolling Facebook wreaks havoc with me!

When i felt moved to march in the past, it was because i was angry about something i viewed as wrong, unfair or oppressive.

i used to feel angry about a lot of things…about oppression in general, my personal experiences of oppression and (probably most often) the projection of the latter on the former!

Some people might scratch their heads about the apparent incongruity between my disdain for oppression and my power exchange lifestyle.  The enormous difference between power exchange and oppression is consent. Oppression is non-consensual; the foundation of power exchange is consent, and consent is everything!

Maybe it was helpful for me to be fueled by anger at some point in my life. i’m not sure. But i am sure of this: i don’t want to “fight” anything or take an “anti-(fill in the blank)” stance to anything anymore.

The years have taught me that even when i win a fight i loose.

It’s not that i never feel angry. i do. Anger is part of the spectrum of human emotion. i just don’t like the way it feels to be angry and what it costs me.

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Anger obliterates serenity; i cannot access peace in the presence of my anger.

Anger isolates me; i cannot access love in the presence of my anger.

It’s a habit that has taken years to cultivate, but now when i notice my own angry thoughts, feelings or words, i pause,  acknowledge them and decide how i want to transform them into something more productive.

The Women’s March was an epic demonstration that positive and peaceful expressions of human solidarity are possible.

To me, that is the greatest success of the event and feeds my hope for what may linger and grow out if it; namely, the ongoing, unified peaceful pursuit of human rights for all humans… with and without pussies.